Dianne - C-Change

Garlic and other things that eke out of you!

Dianne on 2 February 2021

At a recent job interview I was asked to share the three most important things in my life and why. The interviewer pre-empted the conversation by clarifying there were no wrong answers. It was a means of getting to know me and what matters to me.

My responses came quickly to mind. The first two made sense immediately but the third was an interesting self-revelation.

The why for each took more time to consider as life experiences, changing contexts and time have both shaped and deepened my understanding of what is important to me.

Curiosity aroused. I genuinely want to hear how others answer this question. What is most important? Why?

And take the next personal growth step: What would those who know me well, say is most important to me?

That’s a ‘mirror’ question, a vulnerable moment of checking whether what I say, and how I live, are congruent. Do I really live out of what I say is important to me, or does my everyday life, decisions and activities show something very different?

It’s like when you are on a peak hour crowded train squished next to a person who has recently consumed a garlic infused meal. It’s eking out of them if you know what I mean. What’s really important to us is obvious to everyone around us even though we may well be oblivious.

“The things that matter stay with you, seep into your skin”
― Christina Baker Kline, Orphan Train

Over the next few weeks of blogging, I’ll unpack what is important to me and why. I won’t mention them now, as I do not want to distract from the impact of the question on you.

Your response is the one that matters and as the interviewer at my job interview said, there are no wrong answers.

I look forward to hearing your responses, to hear if you have gone the next step and asked the ‘mirror’ question too.

“I made a promise never to let myself be deceived again. I would live for the important things in life.”
― Ivy Oakes, The Story of How We Met

Can’t say no?

Dianne on 20 January 2021

Can’t say No!

Couldn’t if I tried

An alarm goes off

And I shrivel up inside

Lungs heat up

And the mind seizes

Heart skips a beat

And my belly freezes

Well worn words

Spill out to betray

“Oh, fine, alright

That’s OK!”

Self loathing foul

Creeps in to taunt

An old foe within

His familiar haunt

Messages so wrong

I always please

Saying yes to all

Isn’t fear a tease?

Am I enough?

Oh, worthless game!

Eyes ever betray

The dance of shame

Wise words said

To self be true

Yet always within

So hard to do

Dianne Priest © June 2006

You are not alone. Here at C-Change we enjoy partnering with people who want to see what life is like on the other side of anxiety, people-pleasing, boundary and self-worth issues.

A good friend once said, “We train people how to treat us.”

I’ve never forgotten those wise words.

Staycation – Seeing home for the first time!

Dianne on 13 January 2021

Alain de Botton, a British-Swiss philosopher, makes an interesting observation that has particular relevance in our current COVID circumstances.

He reflects on the following scene:

Two people are seated on a plane travelling to the same destination. One is excited and full of anticipation while the other is more subdued, resigned to the inevitable. One is about to visit a holiday destination for the first time, while the other passenger is returning home to work and the normal routines of life.

Two people, same destination and Alain’s observation is that our attitude creates a different response to the same environment.

He reflects that it is all about how we view what we see or experience. Happiness, he says, is always a psychological issue.

We seek and expect to discover beauty in other exotic places – we take photos to hold the moment, the feeling, the experience. We splash our delight all over social media, beaming faces, drinks in hand, colour all around us.

He notes that there is a ‘sad blindness and haste in modern travel.’ We do rush across the surface as a way of life.

He suggests that perhaps we could put away the camera and draw. Really begin to notice and see and enjoy beauty. Training ourselves to notice, not look, but really see.

He then takes the notion further and challenges us to look at our ‘home town,’ our everyday locale as a traveller might.

We could, with a shift of attitude, begin to see where we are through the curious and expectant eyes of a tourist.

His conclusion is that pleasure depends on outlook, not place. I concur with these sage observations and have enjoyed hearing friends’ stories of local discoveries as they engage in a ‘staycation’. I’ve seen photos of local waterfalls, hiking trails to caves and natural wonders, magnificent sunset scenes photographed from local beaches. Yes it is possible to discover beauty right where we are.

And so another lesson arises from this COVID season; home and our surrounds are worthy of attention, there is beauty where we are, our ordinary everyday surroundings can capture our imagination and become interesting and inspiring.

I think T.S.Elliot captured this concept very poignantly in the following excerpt from his work, ‘Four Quartets’

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

Press the Pause Button

Dianne on 6 January 2021

Reflective Retreats are for anyone who is weary of being thrown like a skipping stone across the surface of the water, wondering what would happen if you stopped and allowed yourself to slowly sink below the surface of life long enough to discover who you are, and what you are really designed for.
And despite your worst fears of being alone, abandoned or forgotten in the dark depths of the water, the reality is that when you know who you are and affirm your purpose, you are free to choose to live life at the pace and direction of your own choosing.
You are seriously only a ‘stone’s throw’ away from finding meaning and purpose.
Why be still? Why take time out to ‘retreat’?
Well I think you could definitely fill in the blanks, but here are a few very good reasons:
Rest, reflect, restore, contemplate, create, connect, clarify, disconnect, discover, design, oh and my favourite, just breathe.

On many of our guided retreats people have told us that they genuinely wondered how they would fill a day or weekend by themselves, just thinking, praying, etc. By the end of our retreats we regularly receive feedback of pleasant surprise and thankfulness for the gentle guidance and flexibility we offer to assist attendees to thoroughly enjoy the time.
Contact us at C-Change to help you and your partner/team/group plan a reflective retreat.
C-Change will design a retreat to suit your needs. You will be provided a framework for a personal/couple/group retreat to help you maximise this gift of time and space. We enjoy writing and tailoring the retreat to suit you.
Or you could have us facilitate a retreat where you are with your group or team. With COVID still impacting us we can only offer face to face retreats in our home state of Tasmania at this time.
Together, let’s discover the power of the rhythm of retreat as a means of changing your world.
Dianne Priest
C-Change Counsellor and Coach

2020 ‘Annus Horribilus’ or……?

Dianne on 31 December 2020

2020 has been a ………. year! Fill in the blank but check out the questions below to help give perspective.

Moving forward into 2021 will involve an honest look at 2020. Before we hastily dub 2020 as ‘annus horribilus’ which for many, it truly was just that, we need to take time to reflect, ask questions and find a realistic perspective on the year that will certainly be remembered worldwide for all sorts of reasons. Between catastrophic summer fires, famines, floods, explosions planned and unplanned and a worldwide pandemic thrown in for good measure, there have also been many families affected by the more ‘normal’ slings and arrows of life too.

Yet, in speaking to a good friend today she reflected on the safe arrival of two new grandchildren, the welcome return of friends to their home, quality time with family via all means possible both online and face to face when allowed.

Another friend mentioned the joy of having time, (as an introvert), alone, with quieter routines and less hustle and bustle in the days. The change of pace was a welcome reprieve to life’s demands and pace.

So I ask the following questions to help find a more balanced perspective on 2020. Reflection at this time of year is even more significant and helpful given the relentless negative and hyper intrusive media flooding our daily lives with the conjecture and statistics to drown us in fear.

Take some time today or over this festive weekend to consider these questions:

What did I learn this year? About me? About life?

What did I accomplish this year?

What challenges did I overcome this year?

What significant events occured for me this year?

What has changed for me in this year?

What burdens/habits have I let go of this year?

What am I grateful for this year?

Would love to hear your responses to these questions.

Who is that funny clown in the red suit mum?

Dianne on 21 December 2020

Our youngest child had been born in Papua New Guinea – ‘the land of the unexpected’. He along with his two older brothers enjoyed growing up in the tropics where the only clothes were shorts and t-shirts, no shoes, school in the mornings and daily afternoon swims in 32-degree ocean, or climbing coconut trees, or exploring jungle trails armed with a handmade slingshot, or snorkeling on untouched reefs and playing with friends from all parts of the world every day.

We celebrated quite a few tropical Christmases in PNG and we didn’t realise until we returned to Australia that we neglected to mention Santa to our youngest, who posed the question to me with much bemusement the first time he saw a Santa in a bustling Sydney shopping centre. ‘Who is that funny clown in the red suit mum?

The clown in the red suit had never turned up in PNG, too hot for a start, and Christmas, well, it was laid back, kept simple and usually involved lots of food of course and fun with the other families living on the base with us. We had some Christmases where, if not for the wonderful presents sent from family and friends back in OZ, our boys wouldn’t have received anything on the day. It was a special day for us, don’t get me wrong. But expensive presents, Santa, frantic last minute shopping hype and maxing out credit cards just didn’t happen. We didn’t live near any toy stores and postal charges were prohibitive.

As a family we focused on the birth of Jesus as recounted in the bible and well, Santa just never copped a mention. We have fond memories of our time together as a family in PNG. It has given us all a love for people from all nations, walks of life and different viewpoints. We are thankful for the experiences and while we may have missed out on fancy presents, long cues in shopping centres and funny clowns in red suits, we did enjoy celebrating Jesus’ birthday.

He is the reason for the season after all.